Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
