gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
