Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
