clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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