Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
