So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
