You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
