My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
