Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
