I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
