I'm laying in your front yard are you home
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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