its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
