i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
