there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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