apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
