how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
