And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
