The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
