I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
