When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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