He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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