So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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