Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
