Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
