Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
