? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
