My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
