Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
