Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
