yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
