Got a toothbrush?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
