Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
