It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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