At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i have two assholes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
