i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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