She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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