well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
