Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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