They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
