whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
