Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
im on a boat
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