he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
