The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
