I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
