dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
whose parrot is this?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
