Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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