the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
