Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
