Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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