MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
